I read of Simon...

Imagine walking down the street, going about your business, disturbing no one. That´s not too hard is it, it´s a sunny day and all is well? Now imagine a gang of skinheads singling you out for a good kicking, chasing you across town, and man, they get hold of you, they will put a boot in your face...

Why? Because you, a young teenage boy, likes other boys. This is the life of Simon in a small town not very far from where I grew up once, not very long ago. Could have been me, chased down street by street and being swallowed up by panic, or suffering from depression of being an outcast, thinking about ending it all in front of some train. It could have, but it´s not. Or maybe it could have been me doing the chasing, but then again it´s not. It´s Simon who walks around with a bodyguard and I just can´t understand what his life must be like. I can´t put myself in his position even if I´d like too.

Reading of Simon and his kind of stories, there are many such stories in the little towns where the Pride festival train never stopped, I can´t help but wonder. Why is there such hate? And is there a connection between the skinheads chasing Simon and the (self-appointed or anointed?) godly persons saying same-sex relations are not in accordance with the will of God? I don´t want to be the voice of a boot in the face. Because does God and devil have mutual enemies? No! But the devil is enemy to all...

It´s true what a local priest said, we can´t talk naturally about sex, we put on our fig leaves and hide our true faces when it comes to sex. To begin with Simon, we must first state the obvious, what will Christ do? Stand between him and his persecutors...

There´s little else of loving kindness to do for Simon, but stand between him and his persecutors and say that this is not right. God will bleed when one of his children are hurt. And He weeps for the suffering and evil of His humanity.

The reason to talk about homosexuality isn´t condemnation of Simon, it´s because it´s a contested topic within the church, whether or not it´s a sin. The Bible name it as such (and yes, that´s including the new testament).

I once thought the solution was to say it´s all choice, you choose gay-ness or not, you choose to do as the Bible says or not. But it´s simply not that simple... If gay people say it´s how they are and they always been such, then that´s the way it is, they should know, I don´t. So being what I am must be OK, doesn´t it? Well, that´s the buzz-word of contemporary kind thinking, it´s what you say, isn´t it? Be who you are! It sounds nice, it´s tolerant, it´s a god-awful cliché! I for one can´t remember reading it in the Bible...

No, what Jesus says, repeatedly and to many different kinds of people, is Be with me! Follow me! Do as I! This he said to everyone. Because he was with the people unwanted, he sought out those who everyone thought was lost to the godly cause, the contempted and out-of-place. And he shared everything unto death...

There´s this passage of the Bible that hit me recently, a leper comes to Christ, kneels, begs of Him, Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean. And Jesus says, very bluntly, I am willing, be clean! And the leper is healed immediately and told to be silent about it. And this is to be his testimony! (Matthew 8)

How difficult it is for us to simply fall back on that voice! We soooo like to give reasons, explain, paint the picture with all the nuances. We don´t like to sound like American hillbillys who wave around the Bible to justify hating fags, supporting the death penalty and war in Iraq. We don´t like to say, God says so, and then be silent...

To know Him is to love Him. To love Him is to be transformed into His likeness. If you want to stay what you are, stay away! But to be with Him is the Truth of what you are, it´s the Way to God, and it´s Life.


PS. Tomorrow we celebrate Judgement day in our church, not because we particularly like Judgement. Because we await Jesus, and He said he return a Judge. A just and loving judge, therefore bringing both condemnation and redemption. It´s what Jesus says, and I trust Him. So it´s for Him to judge, not us...

PPS. I speak to much. I find it very hard to just let my thoughts wander godly and holy paths, I am too often a law unto myself. I understand the key to walking with Christ is walking; thinking, considering, talking will get me nowhere! So this is the last post in this blog, in time I´ll take it away. Not because talking is bad in itself, but my tounge has gotten ahead of me, I´ve read too much and too many good spiritual teachers, I´ve become unsure what is parrot talk and what is true witness. I hope and pray it did some good to someone out there. If not, disregard it and peace be with you!

The reformation polka

This protestant gem on Youtube I found on Fredrik Norbergs blog.

Indulge! (clicking on the title helps...)

Allow me to re-introduce the Christ!

This is a must-see! I don´t know who Blair Wingo is, but she really does some spirit-filled Spoken word...

Flip a coin

The Church is many things. Some are bad, some are very good. The papers write of some of it, some of it are never mentioned in the public realm. Not everything is meant to be talked about, we have the sacraments, we have the mysteries, we have the lover´s secrets, they are not meant for propaganda. The Bible prophesies and promises a world that will ever throw all kinds of shit against the Church, rumours, accusations, gossip, some true, most false.

Truth fades with the distance, rumours increase with it. Take the christians of the United States of America. Surely they are all bigoted, all voting Bush, all have guns and like to shoot muslims? Expect the black christians who do some pretty funky gospelsinging...

What´s not all there is to it, of course, but it´s the public image. Recently the Swedish magazine Ordfront wrote of the Christian left (as in socialistically inclined...) and included a piece on the president contender Barack Obama, who very much comes from a Christian American context (actually muslim as well on his father´s side), founded on social concern and commitment. The civil rights movement of the sixties is unthinkable without the Church. Doctor Martin Luther King Jr was not only a doctor (of systematic theology) but also a baptist pastor and founder of Southern Christian Leadership Conference which was a major force in the struggle for equality and liberty in the U.S.

But that´s not the first thing that comes to mind, is it? When we talk of Christian America, we mean the bigots, the hipocrats, the men in power who like to keep themselves there. And some of that is true. And I think some of what went on in places like Moral Majority (but oh, the double standards..) has a place in the Church, as a reaction to a time what just doesn´t give a fuck about God, sin or saintliness. I thought about calling this piece, “The other church”, but really there is only one Church of Jesus Christ. If I have any problem with the people that God has included in that Church, maybe I should consider God could have a serious problem with me hanging about in it. He decided to go for grace, so should I...

For a whiff of that other side of the coin, check out this video of Mavis Staples from YouTube. It´s all there, the freedom marchers, the protesters, the police and the rubber batons, the mob beating a black man for being a black man who think he´s a man. The burning crosses of Ku Klux Clan...

Is the Church doing anything like this today, marching for freedom, going like sheep into the pack of wolves? Not that I can think of, not in Sweden anyway, but then we live in different times. The fight for tolerance is largely won, but there is a greater battle against ignorance still to be fought. How many people today are lonely and not seen by anyone? How many suffer and no one gives a damn? How many humiliate themselves for a few moldy breadcrumbs of attention? For to be seen is the great bliss of our time...

To be a Church is to be struggling in the world. Yet we don´t seem to know what we´re fighting, for, against, with, we see through a glass darkly. And no answers here, just this one question: What are we fighting for?


PS. I love Mavis recent version of this traditional song, but you can also watch it as performed in the heat of the battle. A version with Len Chandler, Joan Baez and Bob Dylan (though his contribution is looking uncomfortable...)

A somewhat reply - excerpts from a letter to a friend

Dear friend, it seems a lot has passed during the time we have known each other. It seems ages since we met for dinners, bible study and prayer. I remember less of the person I was then, than of you and the person you were then. It´s strange to think that, but of course other people change as well. We often like to think that persons stay the same, from the point we last met them. ...you always seem to have a plan and every intent to realize it. That´s good for you, but I don`t think that`s the direction I should be heading in now. I´m overzealous in planning my time, I need more space and airyness to allow myself to breath and give God some room to manouvre in my life. I need to be more able to let my own plans go when God calls me somewhere else, or when someone needs me and I´m otherwise occupied. I need to learn a bit about acting on the spur of the moment, and that I learn by practising, doing it, letting go.

Undoubtedly it´s good to examine oneself from time to time. Pay heed to the course I´m taking and where it will take me. However, I would like to begin with clarifying a difference in our spiritual traditions, yours from a Pentecostal-style African
church and me from a Lutheran evangelical church in a Nordic country. I do not think the Nordic way of seeing things is superior, we grapple with severe problems of wordly thinking creeping in to our church. But it would help for you to see clearly these differences, I think.

Luther rightly objected to the phariseic tendencies of his time, that salvation can be earned by becoming a nun or a monk or making pilgrimages etcetera, when really it´s the magnificient gift of God through the death and resurrection of Christ, Grace as we call it.
Grace isn´t cheap, it´s paid for by the blood of Christ. All to often we simplify Grace to become an excuse for spiritual laziness, when we´re really called upon to be “workers in the vineyard”. We don´t talk that much in our church about spiritual progress, or ask each other: So, what have you done for Christ lately? Perhaps all too seldom. But with Luther I must also warn of the other side of the ditch, relying on our own spiritual accomplishments rather than the loving grace of God. You know as well as I do about Martha and Mary, and what counts highest in the presence of the Lord. The name of our church is actually quite beautiful, The church of the two sisters. That´s a good balance to strive for!

The expected pattern of conduct in a Lutheran church is to mourn the original sin inside, that we (in this life) never completely conquer. In your church it seems to be to give praise for that new life within that tastes of Heaven. Any Christian life contains both, well at least my life contains both. It´s good, but also sometimes a bit uncomfortable, to be confronted with your spiritual tradition, because it exposes when tradition become cliché rather than life lived true. We get caught up in what´s expected, the usual words, customs, empty rites, rather than receive humbly what God gives us, joy, freedom, work, blessings, responsibilties, maybe even suffering. You know, as the children in the marketplace, calling to each other: We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept. (Luke 7:32)

A word from you that has touched me? Pass it onward... The best support you ever gave is just that, that I have gifts from God for the purpose of sharing them. I´m not just a recipient of spiritual concern, I have a part to act out in God´s plan somewhere, somehow, sometime. Most probably just now even as we speak even though it´s hard to see what good I´m doing being Emil here in Kalmar at my job, in my family, among my friends, in Två Systrars church.

Be specific, mention date and place... That´s just like you... It´s a very good quality, you know. Abstraction is a first rate soulkiller. No better way of keeping one´s life at arms length. But I don´t have the memory to answer such questions, I´m afraid. Luther was right in being extra harsh with the little teeny-weeny sins that seem to banale to mention. It sounds ridiculous to confess feeling a sting of jealousy when a little bit of glory falls upon anyone else than the big Me. But oh yes it sets me apart from God and fellow man. You would say, be specific. I would say, it´s just ridiculous, too little to mention. But sin is littleminded, and as we architects like to say, God is in the details. Be specific, that´s probably the supreme rule of spiritual councelling! You would say I´m evading the question, so OK, here it goes. I´m yealous when noone asks me to sing solo in church (though I´d probably say no anyway). I´m vain when I notice people being all sucked in about themselves and then think I´m better (though I´m not, I´m as egocentric as the next man). I´m coward then I see someone go the wrong direction and I know it but don´t say it, because I don´t feel that much better myself.

Righteousness? I try to put my life before God as simply and wholly as I can. You say be specific, I guess... OK, I wrote a letter at the office recently to some people very critical of my work, where I explained some sections of Swedish building laws. It was indeed tempting to twist the words a bit to better suit my side of the story, but I didn´t, I just plain wrote it as truthfully as I could. That doesn´t make me a saint, but such a little thing is none the less a spiritual victory. We should be grateful for every little thing, for to God is the glory...

I struggle a bit with this evaluation. It reminds me a bit too much of the ones we were given after University courses. Does it mean you see yourself as a teacher and me as a pupil? You should know I value your advice, it´s always sound spiritual guidance. But you also know advice can only accomplish so much. Christian life isn´t primarily about following the manual, it´s life with Christ. Letting love in and putting it highest. Obeying the will of God when reluctant to let go of my self, or not understanding the why-so of that will. Advice does NOT solve the problem. I do believe there is such a thing as original sin that guidance, however good, will not remove. I can only trust in the simple fact that for God all things are possible. For God being willing is being able, and He doesn´t want the death of any one of His people. I have no problem with submitting myself in a hierarchy, I see you as a mentor, someone who has gone before where I am now and wiser for it. But my pastors are here where I am, in the church which I belong to now. It is one flock in a sense, all over the world in many different churches, but all acting out the presence of Jesus Christ in our time and age, and Jesus is the true pastor of this great flock. But in the small context, I belong to the local flock here in my part of this city, with its own peculiar habits and manners of saying and doing things. I belong here, my pastors are here, I cannot and should not belong to multiple flocks.

I have a confessionary father here in this church, I don´t talk to him that often, maybe a bit too seldom. But it´s someone in flesh and blood who listens and then tells me what the sacrifice of Jesus is worth in my life. That is why I´m sometimes reluctant nowadays to speak to you about these things. If I confess when I have gone astray and put that before God in the earnest trust that he will have mercy upon me, it is forgiven. It is wiped away, nailed upon the cross, dead with our saviour. It´s not good to repeat a confession. And I don´t think it´s good to remind another about his past sins, when he has taken them before God for forgiveness. God no longer holds that person responsible, neither should we. Psychologically it all too easily leads to a guilt which binds us to our sins rather than set us free, which is what Jesus Christ REALLY aims at with his walk to Golgotha. To distrust the completeness of the forgiveness of sins is to make that sacrifice void. Correction, it´s an attempt to make it void, that will inevitably fail.

I want to be righteous in front of God. Righteousness based on self esteem, social control by family, friends or society is worth very little in the eyes of God. A disciple needs support from others, but his goal must be in heaven, not any earthly reward. My life can never be about looking Christian, rather it´s about seeing Christ and showing, pointing with my life to Him. A mentor who thinks surveillance will help anyone to God is sorely mistaken. I sometimes feel you want to keep me from sin with your presence in my life, and this is not good. Maybe it´s just my feeling, but it´s a bad feeling. To abstain from sin for the sake of God is virtue, to abstain for the sake of another person is just foolishness.

I want to say things as correctly as I can. Sometimes it becomes too abstract, too longwinded. But this is something close to a true reply to your questions. May God bless you and bless our friendship. I truly value it. For when I was down and out, you brought Christ near, and he pulled me up.

W.W.J.D.

If you´re somewhat acquainted with christian affairs I´m sure you´ve bumped into four letters, W.W.J.D., the abbreviation of “What Would Jesus Do?” Now, that´s a good question. But there´s a better question (handily fitting the same abbreviation): “What Will Jesus Do?”

Why is that better? Because the body of Christ is us, we´re supposed to, called upon, to do His work in this world we live in. Together, that is. The idea is, for anyone taking a look at the Church, they should get a pretty clear picture of what Jesus Christ is all about, between Jesus and his church there should be a striking likeness. So at the end of the day, maybe I should be able to say: “Now that was a Christ-like day!”

Has this ever happened? Nope. Not one single day of my life have I been able to say such a thing, for I´m not completely ruthless with the truth, you know. Then again, neither was a toenail on Jesus feet quite the same thing as the man himself. The point is that the toenail should be a toenail every day of the week, in every particle, and should be quite proud of being a toenail on the feet of the Lord. Ultimately, it´s all about it being Jesus toenail. There´s some degree of comfort in this, though I´m not quite sure what I´m supposed to be or where I fit in on Corpus Christi. At times I seem more busy sawing myself off that body than anything else, but there´s little point in telling you about such things.

Back to the big picture. Is the Church a good image of Christ these days? No. And hard to say any time and place there this has been so. In a particular city hit by spiritual awakening, in a specially blessed monastery, a holy hermit´s cave, some of that glory reflected, but otherwise so much of hipocrisy and self-anointment. So much uglyness.

But there is one instance where the image of Christ and Church match somewhat, where at least I can see the resemblance. We´re in the garden of Gethsemane with Jesus (Matthew 26 and Mark 14, please do read it!). Where we truly share his agony, and I dare say victory. Abandoned, struggling, fearing. Yet refusing to bow under the pressure, trusting in our good Father and putting it all in his hands. This is being done everywhere and in every time in the church of Christ, a prayer never silenced in even the most corrupt parts of the spiritual enterprise we´re never sure whether to call Zion or Babylon, the Church. We´re in the garden. W.W.J.D.?

Pray. And persevere.


PS. There´s this line in a Swedish psalm that goes roughly: “He entered your struggle on earth.” That is Christ entering your struggle. But it could equally justified be said that we enter into Christ´s struggle on earth, or in Gethsemane. There is this together-ness in the church which we need, and shall need. There be some that imagine themselves powerful enough to cope being christians without the aid of the church. That can only be because they have not entered that struggle, for it is one where together-ness is our supreme weapon. Together in Gethsemane, with the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Peter, James and John, all the saints, and the not-so-holy but still redeemed. It can seem like a lonely place, but that´s just because we´re huddled up so close together it´s hard to tell where I stop and the other begin. And finally, how do I go about becoming a part of all this? By becoming a member, sharing in that together-ness. And letting no one tell you that it´s just a social club. We´re the body of Christ.

2007 – a somewhat new yet vaguely familiar year

Me thinks next year will be one of spontaneous singing and humming, regardless the circumstances and consequences. A happy new year and now bring us some figgy pudding. Or this little gem from the red, red lips of Doris Day:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Joy is a good word for the year of our Lord, 2007. Oh, they´ll murder and rape and steal and lie, like every other year since Adam and Eve adopted a new father and left their old one behind. But for me, 2007 will be the year of the Lord. Hands off, get thee behind me, whoever tries to steal it away from Him.

The future's not ours, to see

I don´t know what´s in the sack for the next year, good things, bad things, but I know who´s giving it to me, and that´s what counts. It´s not in the gift, but in the giver, and me being the given.

Whatever will be, will be

I´ll try to keep my calendar white as a virgin next year. Oh, it´ll fill up of course, but let´s pray, with less of mine and more of His this time around.

Que Sera, Sera

I don´t want to be famous next year. I don´t want to get rich, I don´t want to be brilliant, neither amusing nor witty. I want to be just the person God so loved, so valued that it was worth every and any sacrifice. I want to understand next year, whatever Christ saw in me and saw in you and saw in God to do that with me, you and God. And if that´s one “why” too many for a feeble little year, a mere 365 days of it, then learn me to obey and do what love commands anyway.

I tell them tenderly

I´ll sport less next year. Don´t like hamstrings, they make me walk funny.

Will we have rainbows, day after day

I already know my work matters, I´ll work with understanding my life matters too, and living it as if that´s a fact. That it´s a matter of fact.

Will I be handsome, will I be rich

Less of fun, excitement and self fulfillment next year. Hail, blissful boredom!

What will be, will be

I´m no one in particular. Just completely freaking unique.

When I was young, I fell in love

If, perchance, I´d accidentally fall in love with someone, it´ll be with her and no one else. If, if such miracles do occur in our time, she´d happen to fall in love with me, it´ll be with me and no one else. Or else, let be.

Que Sera

Every time has a purpose. There´s a time for everything under the sun. There´s the great Filofax in the sky. Little need then for me to organize every moment in the calendar of my own. Next year, look out! I´ll guard the blanks in my calendar with my life. They´re not mine, they´re not yours, they´re divine property.

The future's not ours

I won´t pray just for the sake of praying, or read Bible just on account of reading Bible. It´s quality time with the Lord. But if it comes to that, I´ll pray just for praying and read Bible just for reading Bible. It´s time with the Lord.

Whatever will be

Every new year need have a slogan. Mine is: Relax! You´re in the service of a good Lord.

Will be

I will not read twenty volumes of Kierkegaards collected works next year. I´m not an intellectual project, you know, or a librarian´s wet dream. I do hope to hug at least twenty people for next year, I´m a human being, being human we do together.

When I was young

I utterly refuse to learn any new languages for this year, Inshallah...

Here's what my sweetheart said

I´ll write more love poems next year, and less essays on theology. Maybe even some of those loving poems won´t be exclusively to God, but who have need for such distictions?

Sera!