A somewhat reply - excerpts from a letter to a friend

Dear friend, it seems a lot has passed during the time we have known each other. It seems ages since we met for dinners, bible study and prayer. I remember less of the person I was then, than of you and the person you were then. It´s strange to think that, but of course other people change as well. We often like to think that persons stay the same, from the point we last met them. ...you always seem to have a plan and every intent to realize it. That´s good for you, but I don`t think that`s the direction I should be heading in now. I´m overzealous in planning my time, I need more space and airyness to allow myself to breath and give God some room to manouvre in my life. I need to be more able to let my own plans go when God calls me somewhere else, or when someone needs me and I´m otherwise occupied. I need to learn a bit about acting on the spur of the moment, and that I learn by practising, doing it, letting go.

Undoubtedly it´s good to examine oneself from time to time. Pay heed to the course I´m taking and where it will take me. However, I would like to begin with clarifying a difference in our spiritual traditions, yours from a Pentecostal-style African
church and me from a Lutheran evangelical church in a Nordic country. I do not think the Nordic way of seeing things is superior, we grapple with severe problems of wordly thinking creeping in to our church. But it would help for you to see clearly these differences, I think.

Luther rightly objected to the phariseic tendencies of his time, that salvation can be earned by becoming a nun or a monk or making pilgrimages etcetera, when really it´s the magnificient gift of God through the death and resurrection of Christ, Grace as we call it.
Grace isn´t cheap, it´s paid for by the blood of Christ. All to often we simplify Grace to become an excuse for spiritual laziness, when we´re really called upon to be “workers in the vineyard”. We don´t talk that much in our church about spiritual progress, or ask each other: So, what have you done for Christ lately? Perhaps all too seldom. But with Luther I must also warn of the other side of the ditch, relying on our own spiritual accomplishments rather than the loving grace of God. You know as well as I do about Martha and Mary, and what counts highest in the presence of the Lord. The name of our church is actually quite beautiful, The church of the two sisters. That´s a good balance to strive for!

The expected pattern of conduct in a Lutheran church is to mourn the original sin inside, that we (in this life) never completely conquer. In your church it seems to be to give praise for that new life within that tastes of Heaven. Any Christian life contains both, well at least my life contains both. It´s good, but also sometimes a bit uncomfortable, to be confronted with your spiritual tradition, because it exposes when tradition become cliché rather than life lived true. We get caught up in what´s expected, the usual words, customs, empty rites, rather than receive humbly what God gives us, joy, freedom, work, blessings, responsibilties, maybe even suffering. You know, as the children in the marketplace, calling to each other: We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept. (Luke 7:32)

A word from you that has touched me? Pass it onward... The best support you ever gave is just that, that I have gifts from God for the purpose of sharing them. I´m not just a recipient of spiritual concern, I have a part to act out in God´s plan somewhere, somehow, sometime. Most probably just now even as we speak even though it´s hard to see what good I´m doing being Emil here in Kalmar at my job, in my family, among my friends, in Två Systrars church.

Be specific, mention date and place... That´s just like you... It´s a very good quality, you know. Abstraction is a first rate soulkiller. No better way of keeping one´s life at arms length. But I don´t have the memory to answer such questions, I´m afraid. Luther was right in being extra harsh with the little teeny-weeny sins that seem to banale to mention. It sounds ridiculous to confess feeling a sting of jealousy when a little bit of glory falls upon anyone else than the big Me. But oh yes it sets me apart from God and fellow man. You would say, be specific. I would say, it´s just ridiculous, too little to mention. But sin is littleminded, and as we architects like to say, God is in the details. Be specific, that´s probably the supreme rule of spiritual councelling! You would say I´m evading the question, so OK, here it goes. I´m yealous when noone asks me to sing solo in church (though I´d probably say no anyway). I´m vain when I notice people being all sucked in about themselves and then think I´m better (though I´m not, I´m as egocentric as the next man). I´m coward then I see someone go the wrong direction and I know it but don´t say it, because I don´t feel that much better myself.

Righteousness? I try to put my life before God as simply and wholly as I can. You say be specific, I guess... OK, I wrote a letter at the office recently to some people very critical of my work, where I explained some sections of Swedish building laws. It was indeed tempting to twist the words a bit to better suit my side of the story, but I didn´t, I just plain wrote it as truthfully as I could. That doesn´t make me a saint, but such a little thing is none the less a spiritual victory. We should be grateful for every little thing, for to God is the glory...

I struggle a bit with this evaluation. It reminds me a bit too much of the ones we were given after University courses. Does it mean you see yourself as a teacher and me as a pupil? You should know I value your advice, it´s always sound spiritual guidance. But you also know advice can only accomplish so much. Christian life isn´t primarily about following the manual, it´s life with Christ. Letting love in and putting it highest. Obeying the will of God when reluctant to let go of my self, or not understanding the why-so of that will. Advice does NOT solve the problem. I do believe there is such a thing as original sin that guidance, however good, will not remove. I can only trust in the simple fact that for God all things are possible. For God being willing is being able, and He doesn´t want the death of any one of His people. I have no problem with submitting myself in a hierarchy, I see you as a mentor, someone who has gone before where I am now and wiser for it. But my pastors are here where I am, in the church which I belong to now. It is one flock in a sense, all over the world in many different churches, but all acting out the presence of Jesus Christ in our time and age, and Jesus is the true pastor of this great flock. But in the small context, I belong to the local flock here in my part of this city, with its own peculiar habits and manners of saying and doing things. I belong here, my pastors are here, I cannot and should not belong to multiple flocks.

I have a confessionary father here in this church, I don´t talk to him that often, maybe a bit too seldom. But it´s someone in flesh and blood who listens and then tells me what the sacrifice of Jesus is worth in my life. That is why I´m sometimes reluctant nowadays to speak to you about these things. If I confess when I have gone astray and put that before God in the earnest trust that he will have mercy upon me, it is forgiven. It is wiped away, nailed upon the cross, dead with our saviour. It´s not good to repeat a confession. And I don´t think it´s good to remind another about his past sins, when he has taken them before God for forgiveness. God no longer holds that person responsible, neither should we. Psychologically it all too easily leads to a guilt which binds us to our sins rather than set us free, which is what Jesus Christ REALLY aims at with his walk to Golgotha. To distrust the completeness of the forgiveness of sins is to make that sacrifice void. Correction, it´s an attempt to make it void, that will inevitably fail.

I want to be righteous in front of God. Righteousness based on self esteem, social control by family, friends or society is worth very little in the eyes of God. A disciple needs support from others, but his goal must be in heaven, not any earthly reward. My life can never be about looking Christian, rather it´s about seeing Christ and showing, pointing with my life to Him. A mentor who thinks surveillance will help anyone to God is sorely mistaken. I sometimes feel you want to keep me from sin with your presence in my life, and this is not good. Maybe it´s just my feeling, but it´s a bad feeling. To abstain from sin for the sake of God is virtue, to abstain for the sake of another person is just foolishness.

I want to say things as correctly as I can. Sometimes it becomes too abstract, too longwinded. But this is something close to a true reply to your questions. May God bless you and bless our friendship. I truly value it. For when I was down and out, you brought Christ near, and he pulled me up.